Yes. I am happy. Sure, I might complain once in a while about the train being late or the slow walking tourist in “my” New York sidewalks, but it is never enough to make me think “I am not happy”. I found happiness. The great thing is that you can too! You just need to look in the right place.
I was not always happy, which proves that happiness is not some kind of predisposition. If I can go from almost depressed to a substantially happy state of being, anyone can do it. There were a lot of things I thought will bring me happiness and they didn’t. Some of these things were certainly good times sometimes, but at the end, none of them lasted, and they either changed or disappeared from my life.
So that which makes me happy is not really a thing!
What didn’t make me happy
Women didn’t make me happy. I like them, yes! Have the best times with them! The ones that I was with casually and my long term relationships, I hold them all dear to my heart, but the truth is that they don’t make me happy. I feel happy around them sometimes, but it’s coming from something else. There have been moments that were completely miserable! Although, that misery was also not coming from the moment itself.
Money certainly didn’t make me happy. Hey! I like having money as much as the next guy. I had a great corporate job making tons of money even for New York standards. But it turns out I hated what I was doing and the hours I was putting in, and the only reason I was doing it was because I thought that amount of money was so important to be happy. It wasn’t. Money can only get you things, and things break, and are replaced by new things that will also break. So as much as having things seems to be awesome, they don’t make people happy! If they did, there would be no need to go and get the next thing. So I decided to leave my corporate job to focus on my own projects. It turns out my own projects don’t make me happy either.
We can go on, and on, and on, about things that appeared to make me happy, but ultimately didn’t once I observed them up close.
And there was happiness!
I finally found happiness. I found it, exposed, always present, almost in our faces. But I was too busy to see. But then I stopped. And I found happiness in serving others.
Yes, I found happiness in services, and it is because of services that I am happy. And you can be happy too. Hear me out! I might be loosing you here! It’s just a simple reframing of how we approach our reality.
For startes, I am not talking about the kind of service where you have to work hard in the sun for little pur children somewhere in the world (although that is also services and is very valid). I am talking about rewriting the story of our day to day tasks so we see them in the context of how it serves others, rather than ourselves. We really underestimate the reach and impact that our actions and words can have because we are completely focused on what’s in it for us.
Shifting the thought pattern and reframing
When I was in my corporate job some of the work was fun and I got into the flow doing it. But other parts of the work was terribly tedious, like watching hours of talking heads going on and on on stuff that didn’t really matter in order for me to extract the best 2 minutes. I didn’t like it. It made for the worst days at the studio. When I came across the idea of reframing it, I had to figure out how this task was of service to others. In just a few seconds I could see how it was of services in many ways: it would obviously be of service to the CEO of the company would look good because I was gonna choose the best of what he said. It would also be of service to all the employees (my co-workers) because that video was part of a big pitch to a global client. If we won the pitch it would mean more business and big bonuses, and very likely new hires, which meant that some people who are unemployed would get jobs! The video I was producing was an important part of this mission, so suddenly this task that I dreaded, had turned into this incredibly meaningful work. I started watching that footage with new eyes and when the day was over (probably late) I would shutdown de computer and think to myself: “Today I did something that mattered!”
All I did was to reframe the same task I hated the week before.
My romantic relationships also benefit from the service-to-others mind set as you can imagine. When all your actions towards your couple come from a service mindset it is amazing the level of emotional and physical intimacy that you will reached. When I reframe the idea of doing dishes or listening intently to a story that I would probably not have been of my interest, it all becomes this beautiful feeling of devotion towards my partner. I believe it is on that devotion where true lasting love is founded.
Even the relationship with myself is better. I have come to realize that if I am not at my best I cannot be of proper services to others. With the services reframing self care becomes an act towards others, so we can care for them and help them, with the powerful intentions in our daily actions with this new way of seeing our reality.
I challenge you to reframe your life, to reframe your decisions, to question how each of your actions will impact others, and I guarantee you, with in a few weeks from start doing it, your will find yourself smiling more, having more fun, liking people more. With your efforts, my efforts, and the others to come, we will gradually make the world a much better wo